In quest for meaning, clergy can help
Grief and its impact on spirituality

by Rev. Julie Flores, M.Div., Chaplain, Hospice of the Hills

Grief is one of the most pervasive and painful human experiences, filled with cognitive, behavioral, emotional and spiritual responses.

British psychiatrist John Bowlby describes grief as the process by which we detach ourselves from the object or person that has been lost and look for ways to reinvest ourselves. Our spirituality is linked to how we understand our lives, giving us a framework for our values, beliefs and ultimate sense of meaning. When a loss occurs, many times our spiritual framework is challenged, leading to a crisis of faith. Well trained clergy can play an important role in assisting a person through the spiritual components of grief.

Sadness

The primary emotion attached to grief is sadness. For many, the intensity of their sadness catches them off guard. Because the Scriptures say to "rejoice in the Lord always" people often see their tears as a weakness and fear their sadness may be synonymous with being unfaithful. It is natural to be sad when someone dear to us is lost. By processing their loss, clergy can help individuals see that sadness is part of the spiritual component of grief. Our tears and sadness are healthy ways to express our loss.

Anger

Anger is another strong reaction to grief. When a person's sense of security is shaken, anger is a common response. Many times we have little or no control over the cause of our grief. The helplessness many times leads to angry reactions. It is common for persons to direct that anger toward God, questioning "why is this happening to me?" Our beliefs get challenged, making many wonder why a God of love would allow such an unjust tragedy to befall them. Clergy can be instrumental in helping people see anger as part of the grieving process. The Psalms show examples of anger and teach that God listens even when we are angry or sad.

Guilt

Guilt is another painful emotion attached to grief. Sometimes the loss is directly related to poor choices the person has made, such as a smoker being diagnosed with lung cancer. Other times, guilt is from an unrelated incident, and people wonder if the current crisis is punishment for a past behavior. Clergy can assist the person in seeking forgiveness from God, themselves or others, and encourage positive actions.

As a person grieves, a spiritual issue that is often brought to the surface is the quest for meaning. When faced with a personal crisis, it is natural to try to find some sort of anchor in the chaos, to make sense of things. We wonder "Why am I here? What impact do I have? What am I learning from this crisis at this point in my life?" Clergy assist with life review by listening to people's stories and affirming their lives, helping them to see the impact that they have and the meaning in their lives.

Grief impacts all areas of our lives, and along with it our spirituality. Sometimes our beliefs are challenged and our grief experience does not seem to fit with what we believe, or have been taught from others. The task after a crisis is to rebuild our faith system, incorporating the new experience. Once we do that, it is no longer a faith that we have blindly inherited from others, but one that we have wrestled with, tested and made our own.