Why people act the way they doPersonality styles and conflictsby Margaret Williams, L.C.S.W., Family Therapist Bridges Treatment CenterHaving trouble getting along with a friend, family member or co-worker? Not understanding why he or she doesn't see things the way you do? Worried you may have to part ways?
Think about your personalities. Do you consider yourself serious and solitary? Do you think of the other person as adventurous and dramatic? That may be part of the problem; you may have conflicting personality styles.
The New Personality Self-Portrait, by John M. Oldham, M.D., and Lois B. Morris, can help readers understand their own unique personality styles and those of others. The authors believe personality is comprised of
16 styles: adventurous, aggressive, artistic, conscientious, devoted, dramatic, idiosyncratic, inventive, leisurely, mercurial, self-confident, self-sacrificing, sensitive, serious, solitary and vigilant.
Some of these styles predominate while others play a supportive role; still others may not be observed at all. Because each individual exhibits a unique combination of these styles, chances are you and your friends, family members or co-workers will not see the world from the same perspective.
The book's system looks at personality styles as part of a continuum. If the style interferes with daily life, it is considered a personality disorder. For example, one of the 16 styles in the Oldham/Morris continuum, self-confidence, becomes a personality disorder, narcissism, when exhibited in the extreme.
Stretch outside your box
People with different personalities may react differently when presented with the very same issues or situations. For example, imagine how you would react to an assignment to record an oral interview with a person who fought in World War II. How might a very self-confident person's reaction be different from someone whose level of self-confidence is very low? An adventurous person? A solitary person?
Identifying and understanding various personality styles can help explain why people act and react the way they do. This becomes important when working with others to solve problems or deal with difficult situations.
The first step is identifying your own personality style and understanding that it is not everyone else's style.
Try taking an inventory of your style and traits. Do the same for someone with whom you are close. Take note of the differences and similarities. Mentally run through a recent conflict or problem and apply the suggestions above. How different would the outcome be if you could have been more creative, curious, responsible and accepting?
