The role of temperamentHealthy personality developmentby Gary Sibcy II, Ph.D., Licensed Clinical Psychologist, Marriage and Family Therapist, Piedmont Psychiatric CenterPsychologists generally agree that an individual's distinctive personal character—or personality—is made up of consistent patterns in feelings, thoughts, behaviors and ways of relating to other people. Today's research shows that most of these personality traits develop out of an interplay between one's inherent temperament, a part of personality in which genetic and biological factors play a major role, and environment, the families and culture in which one grows up.
Although little can be done to change basic temperaments, parents can do a great deal to prevent temperament from becoming extreme in any one area. Psychologists use an instrument called the NEO, a personality measure based on the Big Five Factor Model of personality, to measure five basic personality dimensions in adults, any of which can become extreme and maladaptive. They are:
Neuroticism. Those who score high on this scale are sensitive and reactive, become upset easily and experience feelings intensely. Someone who is not extreme on this factor tends to be more even-keeled and relaxed, even under stressful situations. A person in the middle normally deals with stress well, occasionally becoming overwhelmed and upset, but can rebound fairly quickly.
Extroversion. High scores reflect a person who is active and socially outgoing. He or she prefers to be around people most of the time. Low scores characterize a person who is introverted, reserved, serious and prefers to be alone or with a few close friends. The latter person tends to be driven by ideas, rather than people. In the middle is a person who is moderate in activity and enthusiasm, enjoys being around others but also values privacy.
Openness. Those who score high on this factor have a broad level of interest and are extremely imaginative. At the lower end is a person who is down to earth, traditional, set in his or her ways and practical. Such folks tend to be conservative and dislike change.
Agreeableness. A person who is compassionate, good-natured, easy to get along with and cooperates with others tends to score high on this scale. He or she avoids conflict and is empathetic toward others. A person who is hardheaded, competitive and expresses anger directly tends to score low.
Conscientiousness. Those scoring high on this factor are well organized, carry high standards, possess a high drive to set and achieve goals, are deliberate and self-disciplined. At the other end are those who are easy going, not well organized and rather careless; they prefer to fly by the seat of their pants rather than make plans.
Three key factors
Three critical elements are needed in healthy personality development: acceptance, warmth and the setting of firm limits.
How well parents' and children's personalities match, known as "goodness of fit," is helpful for promoting healthy personality development. When there is a "match" between parent and child personalities, parenting can be relatively easy. However, when temperaments are mismatched, tension, conflict and rejection are common. However, even if personalities differ, parents who can accept their child's temperament and simultaneously set limits on behaviors while teaching self-regulation skills will be more successful in promoting a healthy personality in that child.
A recent article by R.P. Rohner in American Psychologist points to 400 studies across a multitude of cultures that show adults universally appear to organize their thoughts around whether or not their parents accepted or rejected them. The studies conclude that children and adults who feel they were rejected by their parents tend to report significant personality maladjustments such as hostility, aggression, dependence or defensive independence, impaired self-esteem, emotional instability and a negative view of the world.
One of the most significant factors in parenting is that children do not pay tremendous attention to what a parent says, but rather to the emotional climate in which messages are delivered. The emotional climate has more to do with the issue of warmth, which psychologists refer to as "positive affect." T. A. Cavell writes in Working With Parents Of Aggressive Children: A Practitioner's Guide that many children with difficult temperaments who develop serious behavioral problems have parents who struggle with displaying warmth and acceptance.
Emotion coaching
In his work on building emotional intelligence in children, psychologist John Gottman, Ph.D., recognized that one of the integral factors in healthy personality development is one's capacity to regulate negative affect or negative emotion. Poor affect regulation is usually at the root of problems in personality development. Research has shown that children who have serious behavior problems have failed to develop the cognitive skills needed for learning how to regulate (tolerate and cope with) strong emotions such as disappointment, anger and frustration. In some ways, children with behavior disorders are now thought of as having "emotional learning disorders." This does not mean they cannot eventually learn how to regulate strong feelings, but normal parenting will not teach them how.
Advice can be found in Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child by Gottman and How To Raise A Child With A High EQ: A Parent's Guide to Emotional Intelligence by Lawrence Shapiro, Ph.D. For parents struggling with children with significant behavior and emotional problems (impulsiveness, defiance, easily frustrated, explosive temper tantrums, etc.) Ross Greene's book, The Explosive Child, teaches parents a form of emotion coaching known as collaborative problem solving. This approach has been used in several clinical trials with children with combined behavioral and emotional difficulties. The results are promising, as this method has shown improvements that exceed those of other major treatments, as reported in an article by R. Greene et al. in the Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology.
Parents who have children with difficult temperaments should learn how to become good emotion coaches. One cannot change a child's—or an adult's—basic temperament, but emotion coaching can help soften a difficult one. Research has shown that children whose parents are good emotion coaches are more likely to achieve better grades, have more friends with fewer conflicts, be more understanding and empathic, get sick less often and miss fewer days of school than other children.
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Gary Sibcy, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, a licensed marriage and family therapist and a licensed professional counselor with Centra Health's Piedmont Psychiatric Center. He holds a doctorate in clinical psychology from The Union Institute and University in Cincinnati, Ohio, and a bachelor's of science degree in psychology and a master's in counseling from Liberty University. He also is an assistant professor of professional counseling at Liberty University. He is co-author of a book on attachments with Tim Clinton, Ed.D., Attachments: Why You Love, Feel, And Act The Way You Do.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
