Advice for families
Coping with personality disorders
by Terri Barron, L.C.S.W., Clinical Social Worker Adult Psychiatric Unit, Virginia Baptist Hospital

If you've ever wondered about Aunt Bessie's odd behavior when your family gathers for the holidays, it is likely that she has a personality disorder. More than 15 percent—or one in every seven—of American adults suffers from a personality disorder, and in most cases, it goes undiagnosed and untreated until the "quirk" becomes disabling or a comorbid mental health issue presents itself.

People with dysfunctional personalities can disrupt family life. However, there are steps family members can take to bring order into their own lives as well as the patient's life. They include:

Education. Make an effort to educate yourself about the personality disorder and try to thoroughly understand your family member's diagnosis. There are 10 types of personality disorders, but within these categories, every patient's presentation is unique.

Structure. Families can assist a patient by providing structure in life by helping to plan each day and providing a routine. Structure is a challenge for people with personality disorders, some of whom need more help than others. However, it is important to assist—not control—the patient's activities.

Participation in therapy and/or support groups. It is helpful for family members to occasionally participate in therapy sessions and support groups. Feedback and support are important to combat a common feeling of loneliness by family members who deal with the patient's issues on a daily basis.

A safety plan. Personality disorders may be severe and include suicidal, cutting or threats. In these cases, it is critical to develop a safety plan for the patient and family members. Families must determine what they will and will not tolerate and give alternatives to patients. It is absolutely necessary to establish firm boundaries with a loved one.

Separate lives and activities. Often, the care of a family member with a personality disorder can be exhausting. Other family members should have lives and activities separate from that of the patient.

Ability not to personalize the patient's behaviors, accusations or insults. Family members need to recognize that this behavior is part of the illness and not retaliate.
If you think a family member has a disabling personality disorder, talk to your family physician or contact Centra Health's Mental Health Services, (434) 947-4444 or (800) 947-5442.